Love: Impossible for an Aspie to Find?

So I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how Asperger’s has affected my life romantically. Yeah, this is going to be quite the post. I decided to go ahead and address it since it has been a popular request, and I want to inform you guys about what you want to know.

Dating and handling relationships is hard enough for a NT,  it’s close to impossible for an Aspie. A successful relationship demands a lot of expertise in the areas of understanding your partners feelings, knowing  what to say to cheer them up, being knowledgeable about social norms, and many more…

As for me I have only been in one real relationship, and that lasted about 6 months. It was an absolute disaster. Such a mess, I wish I could erase it from my mind but I can’t. This happened during my senior year of high school. Prior to that I had received pretty much no attention from guys. They weren’t really interested in me because I didn’t fit in. My college years haven’t been much better. I did have a guy that I really cared about who really seemed interested, but he recently decided that me being an Aspie is too much for him to handle.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that most people aren’t ready to accept the prospect of dating someone who was made different them, especially when you’re around the age that I am. I think that the people my age unfairly judge us Aspies and assume that we are high maintenance and not worth dating.  It’s incredibly frustrating and I’m tired of being treated like that.

It’s not easy for an Aspie to find someone who cares about them, but I implore you to think twice before you consider us not worth dating or you just push us aside because you think we have less worth than NTs. Please help me stop this trend and be a bit more considerate towards us.



7 thoughts on “Love: Impossible for an Aspie to Find?

  1. Good luck to you, and yes, it is possible! I have been married 24 years… most successful Aspie relationships do appear to be between Aspies or similarly minded people (not sure what the issue is, but my husband is definitely not an NT). Things aren’t perfect – relationships take a lot of work, and there are times I’m pretty sure he still doesn’t understand me at all, but other times he surprises me.

  2. Meghan,
    Your blog has been very informative and pretty much spot on. I have a 29 year old Aspie daughter and was married to an Aspie for 30 years until he passed on last year. My heart goes out to you for your struggles and I wanted to let you know that you do this world a service with your mission of education for the uneducated regarding those of you on the spectrum.
    My daughter’s challenge of late is how to find and have a relationship with a Christian young man. So many Aspie guys are not Christian and are so full of bitterness, rage and depression. They’re also looking for sexual relationships with anyone willing, and seem to have very little regard for religion, especially a relationship with Christ. My hope is people continue to try to view Aspies as the wonderful people they truly are and you all find someone who loves Christ and you just the way you are.

    • Wan, I know you left this comment months ago but hopefully you see this. Has your daughter met many Christian men on the autism spectrum? And if so, does she relate more easily with them then NTs?

  3. I really appreciate this post. I don’t have Asperger’s but I am pretty sure I have a Non-verbal Learning Disorder (NLD). Like you, I am also a committed Christian. These two factors have definitely impacted my ability to form romantic relationships.

    I feel as if everyone else got a book explaining the whole dating thing while I didn’t. One of the hardest things is that most people use ‘implied language’ to show their romantic interest. Looking back, I can see there were times when women showed interest in me and I completely missed it. I also don’t know how to engage in this type of communication myself – how to subtly show someone I like them.

    Being a Christian also makes it harder. I firmly believe God only wants me to date a fellow committed Christian. This reduces the pool of potential girlfriends A LOT.

    Having said that, when I find someone on the same wavelength, I ‘click’ extraordinarily well with them. If I could have that type of connection in a romantic relationship, I think it would be earth-shatteringly awesome!

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